


Thoughts

by lpspokemon1



Category: Handsome Devil (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-25 15:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17123948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lpspokemon1/pseuds/lpspokemon1
Summary: It was the night after Ned had been let back into school.





	1. Chapter 1

It was the night after Ned had been let back into school.

The dorm was silent, except for the rising and falling of the two boy’s chests, until Conor decided to speak up.

“Hey, you awake?”

“Yeah, can’t really sleep”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Umm.. yeah. I guess”

“Are, you gay?” “cause last time I asked you that you never gave me a straight answer.”

There was a long moment of silence. Ned being unsure of how to answer that question.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I get that it’s a personal question and-”

“I don’t know.” 

“Oh”

“I mean I’ve thought about it. How can I not when all I get called is a fag. But I don’t know. How did you know?”

“I guess I always knew but back at my old school there was this guy on the rugby team, and all I could think about was him, and some of the other guys noticed.”

“Did- Was he interested in you too?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Another long passage of silence occurred before Conor gave up on getting an answer to his question.

“Well, night”

“Yeah, Night….”

Ned had no idea what to think

He wasn't sure if he was gay but he knew that when he first met Conor he thought that there was no one as beautiful as him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned thinks about a past memory

The next morning Ned woke up tired as shit.  
Even though the conversation he had last night was brief he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

But lucky for him every morning even before the sun came up, Conor was out. Either practicing for Rugby or Running around campus. Which gave Ned some peace and quiet for himself.

He picked up his guitar and started mindlessly strumming something that sounded like a chord but really wasn’t.   
After a few strums, he noticed he had been subconsciously playing something from a deep memory in his head, something that he probably wouldn’t been able to play if he wasn’t practically forced to learn that song for the talent show. The memory came in, slowly at a time. It was the first time he had ever thought of another guy in an even remotely romantic way, and the chords he played happened to be what he was hearing then. It was at a music store his mom dragged him to, as she always used to do. While his mom got distracted by all the sheet music he went to go check out the guitars. Looking at each, one by one a boy only a few years younger came up to him.

“So you know how to play?”

“Uh, no. I came here with my mom.”

“Well, I can teach you a chord it’s pretty simple. Come on grab a guitar and sit over here.”

Ned sat next to the boy feeling awfully suspicious. No one around his age was ever nice to him unless they wanted something.

“So first you’re gonna put your three fingers on these two strings, just like this”

Ned attempted to position his hands as the other boy did, and it didn't work out very well

“Okay here lemme show you again, your ring finger here, middle finger here, and your pointer finger here” 

As the boy moved Ned’s fingers to line up with how the cord was supposed to be played, feeling little butterflies for the first time.

Ned never really understood the infatuation with girls as his other classmates did. But he learned to shut up about it.

After the boy taught Ned his first cord he began to play a song something old and slow that Ned had no idea the name of. But he thought it was beautiful.


End file.
